broken engine : poetry

2007-02-21T10:14:00.003-05:00

: crt nation :

wicked hands and knowing lips
pouring through the lines
pictures blurred from time elapsed
reflect in our empty eyes

we're all laughing in our sleep

band together, face the night
we like the way you think
come here darling, fuss and fight
twirl with me around the brink

we're all laughing in our sleep

this could be the moment when we all fall apart
this could be the moment when we all fall apart

we can't allow them this

2007-02-21T10:14:00.001-05:00

: hong kong, december 1941 :

Wake up

It’s Christmas Day
Back home in Winnipeg
Gin Drinkers is broken
Guns in the bay

Wake up

You’re in too deep
You’re in for everything
Your head on the concrete
Good head on your shoulders
Retreat through the graveyard
To devils peak

Wake up

Wake up

Where every breath is burning like the sun
And everything you did is now undone

Wake up

2007-02-21T10:13:00.001-05:00

: the way we were :

always loving
what we're told
faking life and growing old

building silence
building lies
ladders into empty skies

our 200th honeymoon
you're in my sights
i'll see you soon
human bombers hope the world will turn
and we tune in
to watch them burn

it's the new world
bought and sold
it's the emperors new clothes

we'll stay in and
be discreet
there's a lion in the street

2006-11-07T14:41:00.000-05:00

: corporate :

burn down the dream
how did this become everything
a different day, a different name
a different you, but you're still the same

empty your head
fill it up with routine instead
and though you're tired of the game
you count the score and do it again

everything ends
everyone bends
and we all find
we have to (when will you)
wake up

you bide your time and say the lines
and pray that you will get a sign
that all the things you want from life
are yours and you won't have to
wake up

2006-03-30T16:38:00.000-05:00

: former supermodel cocktail waitress :

the giants at the gates
are betting on the house
while buses full of neophytes
are headlong for the couch
and trying to portray
the perfect pout

the concrete of our sleep
is furrowed deep with stars
and everyone’s a winner here
we’re sleeping in our cars
and trying to unlearn
who we are

and everything we see
is what we know
and marquees full of broken dreams
will tell us where to go
so we all settle in
to watch the show

there’s ashes on our head
and cinders in our heart
but we’ve been taught by Hollywood
to always hit our mark
so we all try too hard
to play our part

2005-12-06T13:02:00.000-05:00

: nothing good :

all of my verses and chorus
all of my mistakes of the past
everything's laid out before us
trying hard not to look back

and i know you don't care
about all that
i know you'll be there

nothing good comes to those who wait

everyone's got an opinion
everyone says "take your time
don't you go and jump out the window"
don't you know to pay them no mind

cause you know i don't care
about all that
you know i'll be there

nothing good comes to those who wait

2005-06-20T00:57:00.000-04:00

: suicide bombers :

everyones got an opinion to share
everyones waiting for their turn to speak
everyones paying someone else to mention
that it's not their fault that no one pays attention
the two fingered typist makes three little clicks at the end
ask anyone here and they'll tell you thats how we will end
lets prove us wrong

everyone knows that times ticking away
everyones thinking of anything else
dead trees in boxes on black city streets
we poison the grass that grows under our feet
this wasteland is whitewashed and disguised to maintain the trend
ask anyone here and they'll tell thats how we will end
lets prove us wrong

the mooring is slipped the scow has been scuttled
while we were distracted by burning space shuttles
suicide bombers are certain the world will soon turn
and we watch the news with the hope that we can watch them burn

my generation has never produced
anything more than 'majority rules'
Plotzdamer Platz' chattering classes
know mass education is not for the masses
we're too young to care but we're getting too old to pretend
ask anyone here and they know this is how we will end
lets prove us wrong

2005-06-15T23:28:00.000-04:00

: gideons :

everything's done for you now
everything's done at high speed
when tired you can take a pill
to hold on
for now

we think the danger has passed
all of our systems are sure
always entropy remains
so don't look now

they promise paradise
"stars come out at night just for you"
Gideons strength, turning away
born a captive, we yearn for the cage
always

this is the way the worlds ends:
we are the authors of fate
awake from a troubled dream
afraid to move
for now

2005-04-20T03:56:00.000-04:00

: on demand :

you like staring at the sun
you can almost taste it on your tongue
and you want it
the one way bullet train
a villain you can name
something to share the blame

step on out
jump into the headlights
step on out
get frozen in the spotlight

you like drowning in the flood
choke it down and just obey the blood
and you want it
acetylene for floors
a golden hearted whore
a key for every door

you want to take a final stand
you want to take your life in hand
you want it: the world on demand
you want and you want and you want and you

step on out
jump into the headlights
step on out
frozen in the spotlight
step on out

2005-02-07T18:47:00.000-05:00

: the drop out :

sick of being silent
so I put all my thoughts up:
you're a total write off
you're never any different
when frightened of the build up
you're a one act drama
so when will you drop out this time?

you don't know who this girl is
and maybe she's an angel
you'll wonder forever
thats the common theme here
descriptions and discussions
distraction from destruction
so when will you drop out this time?

and now I finally see
that you are everything
you thought you'd never be

when caught up in the details
and on the cusp of something
you set yourself on fire
it's your blessed sickness
and though you've come to love it
you wonder where it comes from
so when will you drop out this time?

2005-02-02T01:06:00.000-05:00

: nova :

filling up your life again
distract yourself to dull the pain
stop holding your breath
wonder when you'll be done
but all it takes is three good months
to scare you to death
the question is: whats to become of you?

falling planes and sinking ships
bleeding from your fingertips
pool and congeal
you fill your eyes with blackest stars
inhaling all your snow white scars
and then you can feel
the question is: whats to become of you?

and i'm afraid that you've become
the thing you hate the most

you hate yourself
find someone else who will make those stars explode
you hate yourself
find someone else who will love the lies you've told

the question is: whats to become of us?

when you hate yourself
you find someone else and that story's getting old

2005-02-01T13:51:00.000-05:00

: faker :

we're holding on and testing for echo
and unimpressed with what we've forgot
trying to connect and listen for footsteps
and if we leave none then we can be god's
and we live underground
where heaven's made of sound
the scattered patterns fall
four hundred fathoms tall
is it just a waste of time?
the rolling of the eyes?
the worlds collective sigh?

let's pretend it's the greatest year ever
and let's pretend that everything's true

our minds are thick with misinformation
trip over words and dance as you drown
so we all use our imagination
sugar the pills, it helps keep them down
but we're all wasting lines
on all our wasted minds
so we just close our eyes
and substitute the lies:
it's that moment in the night
that second in your life
when everything went right

let's pretend it's the greatest year ever
and let's pretend that everything's true
let's pretend that everyone matters
but let's pretend it's just me and you

be strong enough to stand up and just hold on

2004-11-28T01:01:00.000-05:00

: leaving now :

say goodbye
and don't look back on what you've done
say goodbye
it's so much easier to turn and run
all the things you said to help you sleep
promises you never meant to keep
everything you say is just a lie
everything you say, except goodbye
so goodbye

you're leaving now
like you always knew would
i'm leaving now
for good

can't turn your back
on the things you leave behind
so say hello
since you can't seem to get them off your mind
all the times you seemed so self assured
all those things you did seem so absurd
everything you say is just a lie
everything you say, except goodbye
so goodbye

now turn around
and see it's you thats left behind

so here we are
and this is how I say goodbye

2004-11-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

: post war lullabye :

ashes in her hands
blown up, blown down
under allied skies
she won't sleep tonight
run down the rubble
run down the street
run down the loss
of you and me

babes cry
dreams die
for distortions of love
wicked lies
in fictitious times
can we not see
a way to human kindness
for in our blindness
we eat our own

history lies
awake tonight
so soothe it to sleep
with soft light
with songs of hope
spin tales of starlight
in smokeless skies

ashes on your head
tuned in, toned down
under allied skies
you won't lose sleep tonight, so
with fierce kindness
build them strong
for sadly, surely
darkness always comes

awake tonight
are you awake tonight?

2004-11-26T13:44:00.000-05:00

: reverse engineering :

i question everything
everything is wrong by definition
entropy in repetition
you don't know anything
it pauses me in hindsight premonition
my static heart is fission

our bitter harmony
i know that it sounds very done before
i guess i just expected more
the peak of all we'd won
now stillness, all is done
we're making plans in realtime
but we're only burning karma

when i close my eyes you always reappear
it's not like you to cave and say you're sorry
where's your finish line? it's never been down here
and i've been waiting for a likely story
there's no answers
just disasters
i build disasters

the world will wait for me
or so i thought when i was feeling lucid
but i was only young and stupid
errors have been made
others will be blamed
i know what i want and that equates to nothing

When i close my eyes i always disappear
its not like me to cave and say i'm sorry
where's my finish line? it's never been down here
and i've been thinking of a likely story
there's no answers
just disasters
i build disasters

2004-11-25T23:49:00.000-05:00

: daylight savings time again :

interstellar jetleg
daylight savings time again
stuttered syncopated streetlights
where does morning start and end?

kaleidoscopic pipebombs
we shut our eyes against the light
as we sink gently in the ice storm
the sound will get us through the night

fall back / spring forward / fall back

anesthetia caused confusion
another hour of sleep my friends
stuttered streetlights fall together
daylight savings time again

fall back / spring forward / fall back

2004-11-24T01:01:00.000-05:00

: part 2 :

you are myth
a second coming
revert back
your mouth solves everything
my heart hits the floor
recovery
disappointment is the past
when your eyes are on me
they're like quasars
they make my tongue break
i am bourne through
burning brilliant
a pull like no other
default setting
i am speechless

2004-11-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

: relief :

sometimes you get a glimpse of what things will be
how they will all fall when they come floating down
i want nothing more than to leave where i am
i want nothing more than to get closer
closer to where things will end up
it's one of those days where you sit still
but you feel like things are running
it's one of those times when you don't mind
you wish someone would just reach out
because you'd just collapse and melt
these feelings are old
every moment
every second
i ask all of these things of you
don't be afraid
nothing to worry about ever again
everything is thick
like dream
everything might just come true
it will be more than you can take
like a promise
that you could never make
like a promise
that you wished forever would make
relief is a better feeling
than anything else i know
sometimes you can see glimpses of it in someones eyes
thats better than anything else
ever

2004-10-18T01:01:00.000-04:00

: old trick :

sniffing around again
like a dog thats buried a bone
but can't stop thinking about it
so you sniff
and investigate
but are too proud to dig it up
to admit you still want it

your new master
would be thrilled
with this behaviour
if he was aware of it
but of course he won't be
until it's too late
and you turn on him
or run away
your usual routine
it's tired
and so are you

perhaps pavlovian tricks
will prevail
teaching manners and decency
where sense and dignity
failed

lie
lie down
get up
lie again

2004-09-28T01:00:00.000-04:00

: rhetorical :

are you seriously happy
with how this all went down
with how this all turned out
with life, in general

are you seriously happy
with your actions
with mine
with the way life has treated you
and you've treated me

are you seriously happy
with the negative energy
you hypocritically instigate
project and cultivate
persist and perpetuate

are you seriously happy
with the knowledge that
the world will inevitably turn
and with it
the tables
and that my inconvenience
will eventually become yours

every hour wounds
the rest is obvious
the world learns this lesson
while you ignore and complain
and place the blame

2004-09-09T01:00:00.000-04:00

: impressionistic :

in the shadows of monet
she is luminescent
making a meal of the lighting
has never been so enchanting
the colours swirl
and i lose focus
a smile
and a laugh
and i'm back again
i'm back
again

2004-09-06T01:00:00.000-04:00

: orienteering :

disenchanted so
retrace the steps you've made
if the snow has not already
wiped them out for good
back track to escape
the barometer plummeting
time ticking away
leave nothing
take nothing
is not always
the best policy
can you find your way out again?
can you find the sun?

2004-08-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

: rememberance :

a milestone you won't remember
reminiscent now of a tombstone
a zodiac ago
we committed
to the first of our 'tiny deaths'
to roll our eyes back
and attack each other
like carnivorous animals
never sleeping
grasping
turgid
bursting in nova joy
a connection made
that I was sure
would be uncontested

i remove this photo from the album
as i commemorate the date with a reenactment
the same pose
a different face
i bury our photos under the tombstone
with the other refuse:
letters
art
promises broken before they were made

2004-08-08T01:00:00.001-04:00

: the perfect affair :

stop in for a beer
you're dancing
our eyes meet
and we play the game
across a sea of faces
a smile
a look away
a nod
a look away
casual and tentative
i'm content to watch
and smile
and appreciate
i leave you
the affair left unresolved
the perfect ending

you'll never know

but in my heart
i thank you for this fleeting interest
this fanciful entertainment
this mutual attraction
things are awakening again
and i realize how better off
i truly am

2004-08-08T01:00:00.000-04:00

: ...and then i was a pillar of salt :

so tired of being involved with negativity
upwards
outwards
thinking of something else
whatever happens, happens for a reason
mistakes are lessons learned
by necessity
the mooring is slipped
and the scow has been scuttled
only to be missed
by the absence of it's blight

2004-08-03T01:00:00.000-04:00

: the visitor i miss :

when
you come by
it helps me think
it helps me relax
and it helps me be me
never apologize
for being real
it's oxygen
for the lungs of one
who's spent months
under fathoms of pretense
i don't think you've been boring
in your whole life
your eyes
are so alive
you're scintillating
just sitting there
saying nothing

2004-07-27T01:00:00.000-04:00

: rebuke pt 2 :

anger doesn't suit
your petit frame
you should learn to deal with it better
these toils and troubles
you brought upon yourself
rash decisions
feeding back now
and i'm sure there are more on the horizon
although i won't bear witness to them
anymore
there are new witness/victims
for your calamity
as there always will be
until you open your eyes

are your ears burning
as mine have been?
frustration is a cold, bitter meal
and I've been forced to feast on it well
but sometimes
its better than starving
so tuck in
or waste away
your cornucopia was discarded
without so much
as a second thought
so beggar
you can't be a chooser

2004-07-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

: rebuke pt 1 :

mistaking lust for love again
everything seems real and forever
at first blush
but when the slightest ripple
brings you back to reality
your fear of abandonment
will win out as it always has
as it always will
until you confront it
another heart broken
another year wasted
another part of your soul
lost forever
"they say breaking up
is hard to do"
but not for you
waking up is hard to do
your vanity keeps you under
with 50% power

2004-07-25T01:00:00.000-04:00

: morning fog on a sunny day :

memories and feelings
long cherished
fading away like tendrils of smoke
your headlights cutting through and burning
precipitation unrequited
precipitating something unrequired
unsearched for
unusually invigorating
i hold back, but not forever

KAOS breakfast conversations
hammering out details and positions
a blink, a smile, a glance over sunglasses
a flash of green pins breath in chest
and blood in veins
tentative plans for the future
and if they're broken, that's ok
a smile, a kiss
a bike ride home
i realize that i didn't look over my shoulder
to see if she was around
for the first time in months

2004-07-22T01:00:00.001-04:00

: lullabye bye :

a brief synopsis of everything ever
sing me a song
I don't want the start to end
winding through a thick forever
slicing time into small pieces, easy to swallow
a slight rememberence of little occurance
sing me a song, dear
sorrow is nothing sweet, remember
so we'll go dancing as we drown
and leave them no penance to hang us on
beginning to forget everything again
dancing through death
leaving me softness neverlasting
taken through tears and lead faded
a sweet shadow of passages, dances
and the ecstasies of a former light

2004-07-22T01:00:00.000-04:00

: timeline :

the inevitable loss of disentanglement
i think it is finally time to move on.
i just hope i make it through this one.
i was a catalyst
your escape
i poured my dreams through our time
to reflect themselves in your eyes
that our hands would bond forever
to the time the fates arrive
to face this night together
until the sudden morning sighs
remember the fourth time we committed our deaths
how we hung like tinsel from a tree
remember the stammer step explosions
that always brought us around
to days of cocaine and rain
and the rigid curve of our backs
we were spilling through the lines
trying desperately to connect
so glistening, ending
testing for our footsteps
and if we left none
then we were gods
but we'll never ever make it there

did you fall into beauty with crashes and waves
or did it wrap around you like a slow winding sheet
where were you when the rest of us grew flaws
while you seem to deepen perfection with movement
you're a traitor
and you will stand alone
i'll make my charts and diagrams
i'll find the equation for light
to explain you
to explain myself without you

you aren't so easy to figure out
faking life, growing older
you'll never be old
everything is everything
science
and forming the new alchemy
obtuse subtlety, intimate technologies
words became oceans
limitless
I ching
conform conspire
experiences forgotten
inspired syntax
forgive me my oceans of unknowing
i try every day
but if i don't understand
the better

she said “dear you, its through
you waste every trace of me”
where will I be while she's launching ships
how fragile we've become
drifting through cathode rays
shallow breathing
putting hope on fatalist optimism
confuse and take apart
a study in repetition
insert the exhale
keep each second

frantic
will she see what i mean
when i say
i thought everything would be okay
where were you anyway
we were the math
the variable in the balance

i'm trying now to make the best of very bad things
making sense of situational irony
i won't say anything, i don't have to
and i won't step around our vanity
conversations, echoes, they're all hollow
reflecting answers, faking everything
i'm getting too old to pretend
that this is what i want
bodies thicker, nothing sacred
there's not enough light to feel
but we can pretend
spoken equations to fake feelings
the formula was forgotten
so why aren’t you
i'm too young for dead contempt
and too old to care

will you say anything
before taking a breath
or just wait
for the moment, tenuous
to break
i can almost taste you on my tongue
i held the secret to all this
but you melted, just before you landed
and never returned

now that you've found someone
who you can pour out to
can you tell me what i'm doing
still attached to you
now that you've realized
that all you had to do
was find someone to tell you
what i already knew...

don't you understand me
can't you be a part of this
waiting
too late
the time has slipped
through accidents and failings
what were you thinking
mistakes in speaking
one act trauma

binary
gibberish in epic proportions
mixing potions, growing machines
the new future of nothing
right now
reset everything
the end 00 the end 00 the end 00
it repeats, it goes on
looping taunting losing coherence
the network is failing, nothing is connecting
reset
final 00 final 01 final 11 final 10
transcend

2004-07-06T01:00:00.000-04:00

: deconstruction :

the favorite to win
expected to come in
can't believe the regret
don't know how we got here
never stole
never lied
never cheated
never cried
rewind? can't
reconstruct? a fervent wish

you were always one decibel quieter than my heart
i can't regret something I never had
so why do i?

a new beginning for you
new pictures, new tattoos
art is only valuable if it's honest

no childhood at all
images started chasing you, living inside of you
embroiled tales about broken families
very painful
something that you carried with you
but didn't really have the courage to have a conversation with him about...
definitely it hurt you and manipulated your personality

a traumatised actress on a self-destructive booze-and-drugs odyssey
simply using shock tactics for their own sake
the Heart is deceitful above all things
"Exit, persued by a Bear"

2004-06-30T01:00:00.000-04:00

: franglais :

Il faut toujours être préparé
J'aime qu'on me prépare
On m'avait prepare pas
On se préparait à faire notre entrée
Qu'est-ce qu'elle prépare?
Ne pas y aller de main morte
On m'avait préparé à tout, sauf à:
Un silence de mort, des fleurs mortes, Un cri de mort
Être mort de peur
elle n'y va pas de main morte
Je la prépare pour la vraie vie
Préparer le terrain
En vouloir à mort à quelqu'un
elle m'en veut à mort
J'ai préparé mes vacances
Vous avez juste à préparer vos bagages
Avoir la mort dans l'âme
Préparez-nous au pire

One must always be prepared
I like to know in advance what's expected of me
I had not been well prepared
We were about to enter
What is she up to?
to exaggerate
I had been prepared for everything, except:
a deathly silence, dead flowers, a deathly cry
to be scared to death
she doesn't do things by halves
I'm preparing her for life in the real world
To prepare the ground
to be bitterly resentful of someone
she will never forgive me
I have planned my holidays
All you have left to do is pack your suitcases
to be really sad/to have a heavy heart
Prepare ourselves for the worst

2004-06-22T01:00:00.000-04:00

: ex static :

with you
just with you
nothing more than spending time
in silence
as the cars fly by
even this is bliss
just to be near you

can't believe
i wasted
so much time
so much thought
so much
thank you

2004-06-02T01:00:00.000-04:00

: m m :

inexcusable
what have I been doing
progress was eluding me
now that you're here
I don't know
I wish there were words
your kindness, your understanding: inexplainable
your voice, your touch: omniscient
you conviction, your integrity: unshakeable
your eyes; your love, your power: abyssal
i sink into these, into you
like a dream
like a warm bath for tired
aching
frozen bones
revitalize, refresh, renew, reborn

your laugh could
inspire men to commit atrocities
in your name
if you had the will,
lacked the heart,
to command them so
well for the world then
that you are uncommon kind
that you are sweet
like mountain air
poured into stifled lungs
long pressured underground

you
are the freshest light
this old man's eyes
have ever held
forever
thank you
for being you
and no one else